Rule number one for having twins: Two birthday cakes!
I received this advice 27 years ago. Pregnant with twins, I asked every twin I met, for advice.
Since then I have baked, or bought, at least two birthday cakes for Maya and Lee, my beautiful twins, every year.
In this week’ parasha, Toldot, Rebecca finds out that she too is pregnant with twins. Her pregnancy feels different from what she must have seen around her. “Well then” she asks: “why me”? Having no ultrasound available at that time, she turns to God, demanding a diagnosis. God explains to her that she is having twins and provides a prognosis as well: “Two nations are in thy womb, and two peoples shall be separated from thy bowels; and one people shall be stronger than the other; and the elder shall serve the younger” (Genesis, 35:33).
Rebecca glimpses a grim future of struggle and potential violence. Her question, “why me?” echoes through her next steps. She loves Jacob while her husband prefers Esau, the firstborn. She pushes Jacob to steal Isaac’s blessing, She promotes Jacob to fulfill God’s prophecy. Nehama Leibowitz, an important Bible commentator, understands “why me?” as Rebecca’s realization of her enormous responsibility. The future of humanity is literally in her womb. She must decide how to raise her children, knowing the peril ahead.
The next advice I got - therefore rule number 2, regarding my twins was: Separate kindergarten classes, separate schools. Let the twins develop as individuals, without constantly being compared to one another. Reduce the competition. True to God’s prophecy, our biblical twins are in competition even before they enter the world. Jacob, the second to emerge, grabs his brother's heel, akev, and is named Yaacov for his very first action: trying to catch up.
From then on, the twins are labeled and manipulated according to their parents’ expectations, with little thought for what is best for them. Their parents’ love and assigned roles divide them. Esau is the hairy hunter, while Jacob is Ish tam, meaning honest or innocent.
Rule # three: Double the trouble!
Our biblical twins are born into a world harshly divided. Love is not guaranteed. The boys must earn their parents' affection—Esau by bringing his father food, Jacob by staying close to mom in the tent.
The family is broken.
Jacob tricks his brother into selling his birthright, and later deceives his father and steals his brother's blessing. This leads to threats of violence, escape, and estrangement.
In biblical times, being the second son must have been a real bummer. The attention and inheritance rights went to the firstborn. The second son might feel like a “Spare.” He might even write a book about it one day...
Being a twin is even harder. You were so close!
My twins often argued about how many minutes separated their births, and who came out first. If Maya were here now, she would shout, “I DID!”
In 1962, Avis, the car rental company, launched its iconic advertising campaign, "We're only number 2 We try harder."
Being number two became an advantage. Avis promised better service because it couldn’t afford to be second-rate.
I feel like whispering to little Jacob: “You are number two. That's great! Try harder. Become better because of it.”
Then I would add: “And NO stealing!”
Rule # four: Twins who play together, stay together!
Journalist Erica E. Goode once wrote that sibling relationships outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, and resurface after quarrels that would destroy friendships.
The Bible tends to agree with her. Spoiler alert to a future episode- in next week’s parasha- Twenty years later, Jacob will return with four wives, thirteen children, and many goats. He has one more growing-up task to do: reconcile with Esau.
He is terrified that his brother might seek revenge.
The night before their reunion, Jacob will wrestle with a mysterious figure, traditionally understood as an angel.
Israeli scholar Noya Sagiv suggests that Jacob is really struggling with himself.
And at the end of that struggle, he will receive a new name: Israel.
No longer merely Jacob, the one who grabs his brother's heel, the number two, the underdog who believes he must lie and steal to get ahead.
Now he is Israel, the one who dwells with and is honest with God. Uprightness and honesty will be his new characteristics.
The next morning, Jacob meets Esau. And instead of violence, there is an embrace.
The brothers do not become close. They do not even choose to live together.
But they find a way to meet without destroying one another.
Here is a blessing that we need today.
Not to be a people without disagreements, but to be a people mature enough to disagree without hatred.
Not a world without differences, but a world with room for others.
Not the need to be first, superior, or always right, but the courage to become better.
My 5th Rule for raising twins: “Sharing is Caring”
Brings me to another story in our Torah portion.
Isaac reopens the wells his father Abraham had dug, wells that once provided life had been blocked and filled with earth by the Filistines.
He decides to recover the wells. He digs one well, and there is a quarrel. He digs another, and there is another quarrel. Finally, he digs a third well, and nobody fights over it.
He named it Rechovot- open spaces. “For God has made room for us - כי עתה הרחיב ה' לנו” (Genesis, 32:32)- What a beautiful image for our time.
We have inherited a land and a country, we have inherited wells of compassion, justice, democracy, pluralism, and hope. Some have become blocked by fear, anger, hatred, and despair.
Our task is to reopen them.
Not every disagreement must end in defeat for one side. We need to create wider spaces where people can live with dignity.
The parasha offers three routes for handling hardship and taking responsibility:
1. Take Responsibility for our future: We need one another, not because we always agree, but because we, like Rebecca, share responsibility for the future of Jewish life, for our children’s Jewish identity and sense of belonging.
2. Take Responsibility for each other: Like Jacob and Esau, we cannot give up on our brothers and sisters, we cannot give up on each other.
3. Take Responsibility for our Past: Our greatest task is to keep digging until we find our own Rechovot: a space wide enough for justice, compassion, peace, and hope.
We cannot despair when we witness injustice and violence, in Gaza, in the territories, towards our sacred spaces both in Israel and around the Jewish world. Our liberal Zionist way of life rests on the work and courage of brave men and women who made the dream of a Jewish homeland a reality. It is now up to us to insist that this home- our tent- be just, decent, safe, and wide enough for us and our neighbors to live side by side in peace.
If I could, I would email Rebecca my rules for raising twins, and add one last, perhaps most important rule:Rule # 6: Double the love!
Shabbat Shalom.
*These thoughts were originally written as a sermon and will be delivered at The Temple synagogue in Atlanta, Georgia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rabbi Dganit Timor Jenshil (2025) is the Chief Operating Officer and Director of Outreach at HUC’s Taube Family Campus in Jerusalem. Dganit has over thirty years of experience in the field of Jewish education and management.
Dganit worked as an educator and director of several different Jewish organizations and settings. For seven years she was the Director of Otzma, a Jewish Federations’ program for college graduates. Following that she served as the Director of North America Programs of Israel Experience. She has a BA degree in Criminology and Political science from Bar Ilan University, and a MA in Jewish Education from JTS. She received her Rabbinic ordination from the Hebrew Union College.
Dganit is married to Adam and they have three children. Dganit sees her Rabbinic journey as a natural extension to her career, enhancing her experience and mission as a Jewish educator, counselor, and a spiritual leader.
I received this advice 27 years ago. Pregnant with twins, I asked every twin I met, for advice.
Since then I have baked, or bought, at least two birthday cakes for Maya and Lee, my beautiful twins, every year.
In this week’ parasha, Toldot, Rebecca finds out that she too is pregnant with twins. Her pregnancy feels different from what she must have seen around her. “Well then” she asks: “why me”? Having no ultrasound available at that time, she turns to God, demanding a diagnosis. God explains to her that she is having twins and provides a prognosis as well: “Two nations are in thy womb, and two peoples shall be separated from thy bowels; and one people shall be stronger than the other; and the elder shall serve the younger” (Genesis, 35:33).
Rebecca glimpses a grim future of struggle and potential violence. Her question, “why me?” echoes through her next steps. She loves Jacob while her husband prefers Esau, the firstborn. She pushes Jacob to steal Isaac’s blessing, She promotes Jacob to fulfill God’s prophecy. Nehama Leibowitz, an important Bible commentator, understands “why me?” as Rebecca’s realization of her enormous responsibility. The future of humanity is literally in her womb. She must decide how to raise her children, knowing the peril ahead.
The next advice I got - therefore rule number 2, regarding my twins was: Separate kindergarten classes, separate schools. Let the twins develop as individuals, without constantly being compared to one another. Reduce the competition. True to God’s prophecy, our biblical twins are in competition even before they enter the world. Jacob, the second to emerge, grabs his brother's heel, akev, and is named Yaacov for his very first action: trying to catch up.
From then on, the twins are labeled and manipulated according to their parents’ expectations, with little thought for what is best for them. Their parents’ love and assigned roles divide them. Esau is the hairy hunter, while Jacob is Ish tam, meaning honest or innocent.
Rule # three: Double the trouble!
Our biblical twins are born into a world harshly divided. Love is not guaranteed. The boys must earn their parents' affection—Esau by bringing his father food, Jacob by staying close to mom in the tent.
The family is broken.
Jacob tricks his brother into selling his birthright, and later deceives his father and steals his brother's blessing. This leads to threats of violence, escape, and estrangement.
In biblical times, being the second son must have been a real bummer. The attention and inheritance rights went to the firstborn. The second son might feel like a “Spare.” He might even write a book about it one day...
Being a twin is even harder. You were so close!
My twins often argued about how many minutes separated their births, and who came out first. If Maya were here now, she would shout, “I DID!”
In 1962, Avis, the car rental company, launched its iconic advertising campaign, "We're only number 2 We try harder."
Being number two became an advantage. Avis promised better service because it couldn’t afford to be second-rate.
I feel like whispering to little Jacob: “You are number two. That's great! Try harder. Become better because of it.”
Then I would add: “And NO stealing!”
Rule # four: Twins who play together, stay together!
Journalist Erica E. Goode once wrote that sibling relationships outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, and resurface after quarrels that would destroy friendships.
The Bible tends to agree with her. Spoiler alert to a future episode- in next week’s parasha- Twenty years later, Jacob will return with four wives, thirteen children, and many goats. He has one more growing-up task to do: reconcile with Esau.
He is terrified that his brother might seek revenge.
The night before their reunion, Jacob will wrestle with a mysterious figure, traditionally understood as an angel.
Israeli scholar Noya Sagiv suggests that Jacob is really struggling with himself.
And at the end of that struggle, he will receive a new name: Israel.
No longer merely Jacob, the one who grabs his brother's heel, the number two, the underdog who believes he must lie and steal to get ahead.
Now he is Israel, the one who dwells with and is honest with God. Uprightness and honesty will be his new characteristics.
The next morning, Jacob meets Esau. And instead of violence, there is an embrace.
The brothers do not become close. They do not even choose to live together.
But they find a way to meet without destroying one another.
Here is a blessing that we need today.
Not to be a people without disagreements, but to be a people mature enough to disagree without hatred.
Not a world without differences, but a world with room for others.
Not the need to be first, superior, or always right, but the courage to become better.
My 5th Rule for raising twins: “Sharing is Caring”
Brings me to another story in our Torah portion.
Isaac reopens the wells his father Abraham had dug, wells that once provided life had been blocked and filled with earth by the Filistines.
He decides to recover the wells. He digs one well, and there is a quarrel. He digs another, and there is another quarrel. Finally, he digs a third well, and nobody fights over it.
He named it Rechovot- open spaces. “For God has made room for us - כי עתה הרחיב ה' לנו” (Genesis, 32:32)- What a beautiful image for our time.
We have inherited a land and a country, we have inherited wells of compassion, justice, democracy, pluralism, and hope. Some have become blocked by fear, anger, hatred, and despair.
Our task is to reopen them.
Not every disagreement must end in defeat for one side. We need to create wider spaces where people can live with dignity.
The parasha offers three routes for handling hardship and taking responsibility:
1. Take Responsibility for our future: We need one another, not because we always agree, but because we, like Rebecca, share responsibility for the future of Jewish life, for our children’s Jewish identity and sense of belonging.
2. Take Responsibility for each other: Like Jacob and Esau, we cannot give up on our brothers and sisters, we cannot give up on each other.
3. Take Responsibility for our Past: Our greatest task is to keep digging until we find our own Rechovot: a space wide enough for justice, compassion, peace, and hope.
We cannot despair when we witness injustice and violence, in Gaza, in the territories, towards our sacred spaces both in Israel and around the Jewish world. Our liberal Zionist way of life rests on the work and courage of brave men and women who made the dream of a Jewish homeland a reality. It is now up to us to insist that this home- our tent- be just, decent, safe, and wide enough for us and our neighbors to live side by side in peace.
If I could, I would email Rebecca my rules for raising twins, and add one last, perhaps most important rule:Rule # 6: Double the love!
Shabbat Shalom.
*These thoughts were originally written as a sermon and will be delivered at The Temple synagogue in Atlanta, Georgia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rabbi Dganit Timor Jenshil (2025) is the Chief Operating Officer and Director of Outreach at HUC’s Taube Family Campus in Jerusalem. Dganit has over thirty years of experience in the field of Jewish education and management.
Dganit worked as an educator and director of several different Jewish organizations and settings. For seven years she was the Director of Otzma, a Jewish Federations’ program for college graduates. Following that she served as the Director of North America Programs of Israel Experience. She has a BA degree in Criminology and Political science from Bar Ilan University, and a MA in Jewish Education from JTS. She received her Rabbinic ordination from the Hebrew Union College.
Dganit is married to Adam and they have three children. Dganit sees her Rabbinic journey as a natural extension to her career, enhancing her experience and mission as a Jewish educator, counselor, and a spiritual leader.